Aaaargh...

Sometimes these computers just make me want to cry!
PC #1 - couldn't log in
PC #2 - switched itself off as I sat down and then kept switching itself off over and over
PC #3 - nothing would open
PC# 4 - really slow, cookies not enabled, took ages to recognise the flash disk

... and then suddenly for no reason - the flash appears, the cookie problem dissolves and everything quickens up... and now I want to cry with happiness.

An actor's life for me...

After a lifetime (and probably several generations before me) of shying away from anything theatrical, I am beginning to love the stage that is Nigeria. Everything here is a drama – the drivers that roar at one another one minute and crack jokes together the next, the shrieks of humour as women gossip together in Hausa, the pretend-walk-away-in-disgust from haggling only to be called back grudgingly (this is especially entertaining in taxis where the driver acts as if you are robbing him blind but then is full of questions as soon as you sit in). Life is lived in the minute, disagreements melt instantly, anger and humour are a hairs-breadth apart. My stage fright is leaving me…

Tough questions...

I had some pretty rigid ideas about begging before I came to Nigeria, and logically they still apply. Giving to beggars doesn’t help in the long run, but logic is pretty useless in the face of a hungry mother.
In the motorparks and at the market, the only places I really encounter begging, I often see people being very generous to one another. Drivers dash the regular beggars, if you give food to children they will share it with one another. Zakat is one of the pillars of Islam – it literally means purification, and it is a form of alms-giving. Essentially it is a way for the rich to purify their wealth – they are obliged to give an agreed amount to the poor or needy during Ramadan.
I am learning that my moral justifications are a luxury. But I can never give enough so I’m no closer to an answer…

Superstory...

… more angst than Eastenders
… more drama than Dynasty
… more moral than the Safe Cross Code

It’s a soap with a message, a theme tune that stays in your head all week and the only must-see TV in this country.
Nigeria has a cracking movie industry (Nollywood) – my favourite plot to date is: twin sisters (one good one evil) swap places for the weekend so that the evil one can have an affair. The evil one is killed in a car crash on her return journey and the good one is stuck married to her brother-in-law. Until her fiancé (who is also evil) works it out and starts blackmailing her. Add this to a frustrated husband and grieving parents and it makes for a highly entertaining couple of hours!

How to make my mam happy in 3 short steps...

1. Ring home on a Monday morning and ask for a favour
2. Then ask for a loan of the money to cover this favour
3. Then ask her to book your Christmas flight home (and feed & house you for a month)

And she was still smiling when I got off the phone – parents, there’s no one like em!

Lucky traveller...

Tammie came to visit this weekend, and just as I was expecting her I got a text to say they were delayed by a second flat tyre of the journey. I was a bit concerned that they wouldnt have two spare tyres, but it turns out they were 'lucky' enough to break down in a town the second time. Luck is a bit of a relative concept here when you're traveling...

Philiosophy on the road...

Why break when you can just accelerate...
Beeping your horn gives automatic right-of-way...

I figure that the best protection on an okada is trying to adopt an air of disdain - for the motorists who would mow you down but for the pesky police forms, the other okada drivers who are more intent on greeting the oyibo than watching the road, the pedestrians who appear from nowhere to cross the road, the goats, the potholes, the rain-drenched road. Yeah, when rule #1 is do not touch the driver, sometimes pretend-disdain is all I have to cling on to!

Further communication issues...

I meandered into work on Thursday mulling over the things I needed to do - nothing very dramatic, just the usual. And I met a few colleagues in the yard on the way. After the greetings...
- Did you hear about our bookfair?
- No, is there going to be a bookfair?
- Yes
- Where?
- Here
- Great, when?
- Today
- Huh???

Well why would you tell the librarian? advance planning & looking at our cash-situation would just have made it all a bit easy, wouldnt it

Having a rethink...

I have been reconsidering my attitude to preservatives. Since I got to Nigeria I have been singing the praises of unprocessed food and feeling healthier than ever. But then a package arrived from home. A package that was posted in mid-April, yes 4 ½ months ago. A package that contained Kimberly biscuits and tayto crisps. Hence the rethink. They were yummy, scrummy, deeelish. Three cheers for preservatives. Hip hip…

DVD heaven...

The oath I swore in library school to protect copyright law is under threat. Okay so there isn’t an oath as such, its library school not superhero school; the similarities are a touch more subtle, but that’s another story.
Here in Nigeria its movie bliss. You can get up to 9 films for a N600 disk (€4). But the real fun starts when you get the disk home:
- I’ve seen approx 96min of the 118min Elizabethtown (damn thing stuck)
- I’ve had that authentic cinema experience while watching the latest John Cusack flick (added extra is the guy who cant sit still in the row in front of you)
- I’ve enjoyed dictionary-proofed subtitles (translated via Arabic I reckon)
But the best DVD of all was a freebie Nor brought from home – 2 episodes of Fr Ted. Worked perfectly. Would make a believer of anyone!

Visitors welcome...

Noirin’s visit was a treat not only for me but for half the city of Minna! I have been fielding questions about herself, her trip home and all ‘my people’ since she left. People seem to be genuinely thrilled that she chose to visit Nigeria and everyone wants to know if she’ll return. Nigerians are rightly proud of their welcome and their hospitality. She was even encouraged to volunteer herself. But as Nor correctly explained – our mother may tolerate one daughter gallivanting around Africa for a couple of years, but she wont be having both of them at it!

Return to Kabba...

Yes, its becoming a bit of a habit, but Kabba is a great spot & its very difficult to turn down an invitation! We went to celebrate Tammie’s birthday. And Kate’s birthday. And Wendy’s birthday. And Pete’s birthday. And Ellie’s birthday. So yes, a lot of celebration was required.

Twilight eatery...

I had been hearing a lot about a nice restaurant not far from me in Minna so Noirin & I decided to check it out on her last night in town. It was 6.30 before we arrived but we were still surprised to find the place empty, literally empty not a soul in sight. But we landed in anyway and sat down (I may have been here too long). A frazzled lady turned up after a bit and took our order. But when we asked for pounded yam she said she was alone and didn’t have time to pound yam. It transpired that the restaurant was infact shut but she didn’t have the heart to kick us out. There was a private dinner that night so we could stay. And sure enough as we sat waiting for our food the restaurant filled up with some beautifully-dressed folk. So we sat through the greetings. We sat through the photos. We sat through the speeches. We sat through the prayers. Two oyibos unnoticed in the corner – never has the saying about the white elephant in the room been more appropriate! And just as we finished our meal light went. There was no generator. So by candlelight we tried to make an understated exit. Another surreal experience in Nigeria…